Saturday, October 31, 2009

Drunk Scale

The state of being drunk is hard to indicate precisely because one person’s capacity of withholding liquor differs from one to the next. So here is a drunk chart that my cousin and I devised: (inspired by Tucker Max)

1.     Tipsy:
Usually a glass and 1/2 of vodka does the trick. At this stage I feel numb, have less responsibilities, the world seems a bit more familiar, the magnetic gravity field starts to disappear around me. I want to try everything.

2.     Happy Buzz:
I start acting more on impulses (doing things I wouldn’t usually do). I become a bit over excited and unreasonably happy about things, start smiling to everyone ridiculously as if I were in a toothpaste ad.
The tricky bit is you only get the happy buzz when you’re either down or at a normal stage, if your happy to begin with you probably wont get to this stage. From experience everything around me all of a sudden becomes beautiful not to the point where I would hook up with ugly women just to the point where my smile is bigger than the joker’s.

3.     Denial Drunk:
I start acting like an idiot, laughing for no apparent reason and when friends around start pointing out that I am drunk I deny it. Not such a great stage but everyone goes through it, you drink to the point where you start loosing your balance and embarrassing yourself insisting you are not drunk.

4.     Point of No Return:
At this point, there is no going back, I cant just put my foot down and say I am not drinking anymore, I am open to all suggestions and down for anything, in my case I fought off a couple bouncers that I was convinced were tickling me and dove down a flight of stairs, flashing people who don’t deserve it.

5.     Wasted AKA shit faced “hammered”
Now if you keep drinking, you’ll get wasted, at this stage I start slurring, I cant see 100% I trip and fall a lot more often, and I’ll say or do pretty much anything that comes to my head, defiantly not a good state to be in for me and people around me. I become the entertainment of the night. Now at stage five I am easily convinced of anything, so I may as easily find myself at this stage, which means, I’ve gone on my own trip. The trip may vary from sitting in a corner and watching everyone, to making up dances and floating around a room.

6.     Black out:
I wake up somewhere unfamiliar and can’t remember shit of the night before. Videos and photos streaming from everyone’s phones, trying to delete them before anyone notices.  I become the popular topic of the day of doing public stunts of idiocracy.

7.     Intoxicated:
Personally I never reached this stage, but almost did once.

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